Johnny Winters, the most unfamous music journalist in the word, writes messages.

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'nikcuS Productions.

Johnny Winters Talks To the World
Thursday, June 09, 2005  
Johnny Winters is still alive, ladies and gentlemen. I've only had one heart attack, so things are still pretty good for me. I had the heart attack back in November, the day after Thanksgiving actually. I'm old or something.

I Googled my name after it happened to see if anyone was talking about it, and they weren't. I called Joshua Sansing and cried on the phone. He told me to watch an episode of Quantum Leap and I'd feel better. He was right.

Last Monday I did this thing where I banged on the snare drum I have (stole) until the head broke. Then I went to the music store, bought another head, and did the same thing. Then I went back to the music store, bought fourteen more drum heads, and did the same thing again, but only two more times. When I woke up the next morning, I realized I had lost my hearing, but it came back shortly before I went to bed that night. I guess it wasn't such a good idea.

The most exciting thing that happened to me (that I can tell you here) is that I met George Martin. He actually called me. I didn't know he knew me, but he did. I called him Big George Martin the entire phone call, but he never commented on it. He was a hell of a guy, a very amiable fellow. I'll save the full conversation and details for a later post.

Horse Dork sued me and I counter-sued and the upshot of the whole affair is that I got 150,000 dollars in spending money. I spent about 4,000 on craps, which I thought was a fair amount. I bought myself the SCTV DVD box set, but only the second one, because that's all the had that day at the Virgin Megastore, and then I lost interest. I considered it an extravagant purchase. Oh, I also met Method Man and he took me to some supposedly-famous jewelery store and I bought a nice watch. He frowned at it, but I thought it was nice.

This laptop is overheating. Last night my pants leg caught on fire, or felt like it. Okay, no, it did... now I remember. I dreamed the house caught on fire, but it was just my pants leg.

2:43 AM

Monday, February 09, 2004  
Johnny's Triumphant Return

Okay, so it's been over a year, so what? Here's the updates:

I'm not with Horse Dork anymore. I stupidly left that last entry running on the drummer's desktop and he got a little -- but not too -- angry at me, but the upshot of that was that the other guys heard him talking to me, came in to see what was up, and read the blogger entries.

So I got out of that deal. I think the real documentary guy stuck around, or they re-hired him or something. I'm really not sure. As far as I know, he's still with them. I should check up on that just out of curiosity.

So in the meantime I've been writing little reviews for local newspapers and things like that. And doing those "other things" that make me money. Screw you.

I did a Tommy Burton interview several months ago, which is the main contact I've had with the 'nikcuS Productions team lately. To be honest, now it's not that I'm not hanging around them to give them a break from me, but because I think it's kind of odd that's there's a thing called 'nikcuS Productions when there's not even a 'nikcuS anymore. Yeah, I know that they've never really been anything real before anyway, but it looks like they'll never record anything again.

Apparently Kevin's not speaking to the other two (Rusty and Noby) or the other two aren't speaking to him--or something. It's unclear to me. I talk to Rusty more than anyone, and he just said something cryptic like, "Ug, I just keep having nightmares about Kevin. I'll talk about it in five years or something." I guess it'll make Produced seem like more of an afterthought than it already was.

As always, I shouldn't be talking about these things on a public blogger.

But at least I can write the definitive 'nikcuS story now and know that it has an ending (if I ever find out what that ending is). Breaking up is hard to do.

I feel happy right now. There are reasons for it, but I don't want to get into them right now. Suffice it to say, I felt happy enough to return to the public with this thing, to resurrect it. I was happy with Horse Dork -- in retrospect... okay, maybe I wasn't, but there were some things that happened to me then that make me happy now as a result. Happy accidents and the like.

Oh, I like this new Lately David record--for a semi-related 'nikcuS Productions note. "Talk About You" is the best song.

I'm done here for now. Perhaps I'll keep writing in this.

2:30 AM

Monday, November 04, 2002  
Do These Guys Rock or What?

I wanted to write this weekend, but Horse Dork kept me busy. I'm actually sitting at the drummer's laptop right now. He's maybe the smartest member; he's one of those drummers that don't drum in shorts or without his shirt. He might quit any moment. But he's not letting me use his laptop--I'm just sort of borrowing it while they're out partying somewhere. They still call it partying.

So they played a lot of shows. We started in Nashville then went to Memphis then went to Jackson Mississippi then to Gulfport Mississippi. Nashville was fine, maybe even fun, since I was a little excited for the first time being on the road, being a real sort of journalist, even if it were as a fake documentarian, again. Memphis was okay, but the thrill had worn off and I only liked three out of twenty-five of their songs. They usually play at least half of them more than once during a show, and they never play those three. The drummer once asked if they could learn more songs and they said "Write some, asshole" and he held up a binder-full of songs and they said "Fuck you." As I said, he looks like he might quit any second.

Jackson was nice because it's my hometown, and I managed to sneak off and see some of the old gang. None of 'nikcuS Productions, since most of those are out of state anyway, and the ones that are there were not answering their cell phones. I forgot, of course, that we had agreed to take a vacation from each other, but I was just caught up in the moment.

The place they played in Jackson was at least fifteen years behind in the times. This is nothing to do with Mississippi (well, maybe a little, but I don't like to give any negative press to my home state, since it gets enough already, and most of it is unfounded), but just with this place. Some actually said, "Have you heard of Dokken?" The question is what was odd. Not "Do you like Dokken?" That would have been fine, but "have you heard of," which I'm still trying to figure out. I tried to answer just as confusingly, and said, "Yes, if only they'd eaten more soup..."

At Gulfport I didn't even go to the show. I put a 'nikcuS hat on the documentary guy and I think they thought it was me from the stage. I normally don't wear a hat, but I'd been wearing once since the beginning of the tour because I thought this trick might work, and I guess it did. I keep saying "sneaking off" and things like that, but I think they probably wouldn't notice if I disappared, or even if the documentarian did. Well, they might notice that. They seem to like pointing at the camera. They don't do much Devil signing at the camera, which is refreshing. They're actually kind of funny sometimes, and yesterday I looked at the footage for about an hour and laughed.

So, yes, I didn't go--I gambled. I think I might be an addict, but maybe it was just beginners addiction. I'm actually itching to play. Craps. I played craps. Lost almost every time. I actually don't know the rules of the game, which may have had something to do with it. Sometimes the "dealers," or whatever they're called in craps, would help me out or give me advice. I sometimes won when they did that. They called me "Mr. Winters." One of them recognized me, which was insane. He said he did anyway. He said he didn't know Horse Dork and I made some joke which I don't remember now. I was drinking, which I haven't done in like four or five years. It was kind of fun.

So that was my weekend. Doesn't sound like much, and I guess I don't remember much, or maybe I just don't want to bore you.

Enough. I've said enough. More later.

10:15 PM

Thursday, October 31, 2002  
Johnny Winters: Chapter the First

Perhaps I should introduce myself first, and perhaps I should introduce myself with the phrase that I've just realized about myself, that I am "the most unfamous music journalist in the world." Perhaps in the way that Ed Wood was supposedly the worst director (which he was not). Because obviously since you're reading this, I'm not that unfamous -- certainly there are some more people out there writing articles about music that you haven't heard of at all -- but I am the most famously unfamous music journalist.

Perhaps this journal will change things. And it is a journal, and it does have a definite purpose (at least for starters), but I'll get to that in a minute. First back to me...

I had a little magazine many, many (but, boy, it seems like "many, many, many") years ago called Listen!, which wasn't that original of a title for a music magazine, but it did the trick. No one bought it much. I take that back. We were popular for a solid two weeks: we were a big hit, mostly in New York. But then everyone forgot about us, even the ones who made us famous. They didn't forget about us in the sense that they turned their back on us or decided we weren't "cool" anymore. They actually forgot about us. Pretty much the same way you've forgotten about the TV show The Marshall Chronicles from the late 80s. (PS: It was a good show.)

After that I thought I would regain my fame through an underground network of musicians known as 'nikcuS Productions. They are not as unfamous as me, but they were close at the beginning. I probably latched on to them for selfish reasons (they know this and didn't seem to mind), but I feel that I've actually helped them out in spite of my exploitive efforts. I did interviews with them. I wrote articles. I still do sometimes.

But we both got burnt out on each other, so we avoided each other lovingly after a while. We probably could have just been normal friends if we had something besides a professional relationship (though we were always friendly, and "hung out" sometimes--usually watching music documentaries), but since everytime I called it was to conduct an interview or something, it became a little annoying.

Although we're not done with each other for good, we're still in the process of avoiding, and all I've been doing with myself is -- well -- watching more music documentaries. How do I make money? None of your business. I'm more or less a private person. It actually sort of hurts me each time I write another word in this journal, since I know it's going out to the world... potentially. No one will actually see this, I imagine, but I felt the need to put it online anyway. I'm becoming very personal here, right now, for me, revealing things about myself. I'm so used to asking others questions and analyzing them.

But before I go off the deep end, let me explain why I had the idea for starting this journal. There's a band called Horse Dork that asked me to follow them on tour. They actually asked me to make a documentary about them -- though I've never made one -- so instead I hired some film student to do the documentary and I'm just following them around for no reason, pretending like I'm "directing" the thing. The film student can do whatever he wants with it. I actually don't like Horse Dork too much. They don't know I'm writing this about them. I don't care if they find out. I'm not sure why I'm so hostile toward them, why I'm with them, or what I'm doing at all. I'm admitting this to you.

Horse Dork. They've called themselves Horse Dork.

This is what I'm doing, following them around, pretending to make a documentary about them, and I'll be reporting it all to you: here. For some reason. Enjoy.

7:26 PM

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